SPEAKER_01: 0:05

The views shared this episode represent Kelly and Kendra, not our mama, partner, church, job, or sponsor.

SPEAKER_00: 0:17

It is December 19th. I'm not quite sure how we got here.

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Of 2025. That means I'm 50 years old and some dates.

SPEAKER_00: 0:26

Woo! Happy birthday. Wow. Do you want to tell the people about your the most spectacular party of my life? Um, sure. We're gonna have the producer put a little clip of Kendra in her in her fancy um outfits with the plur with that's plural, y'all.

SPEAKER_01: 0:50

Yeah, so well how about I mean maybe it might be more interesting for you to talk about my party.

SPEAKER_00: 0:57

Oh wow. Um one, I was really proud that you have grown-up resources to do grown-up shit. Um you got to have the the party of all of our dreams. So Kendra had um these lovely ladies who had feathers and sequins and top hats greet us at the door with champagne on the tray. And I was like, I wasn't ready. I don't have my camera. And then it was a beautiful bread, and then it was a live band, and then to the left it was a bar, and then across from the bar it was this lady who was hand-engraving your glasses, and then when you look past her, on the right was a very interactive photo booth. On the left was a a spread of like pastas and things of that nature, and you kept going, then there was a salad bar, and then you ended with the quiet area where you could go have a smoked some brown liquor, some smoked brown liquor. It was a whiskey bar. Whiskey bar, and it had the beautiful couches and the pillows, and then we call that we call that soft seating soft seating. I'm sorry, there's soft seating. And then on the tables were coasters celebrating Kendra's 50th birthday. It was just top tier. Oh, and then after the band was done, we did a DJ.

SPEAKER_01: 2:44

So the best in the land.

SPEAKER_00: 2:47

Kendra's aunt had the Holy Ghost out on the streets. My husband had his Prince Fashion. Your husband was mistaken, he was mistaken for the entertainment. My husband was mistaken for the entertainment.

SPEAKER_01: 3:02

He had the time of his life. He sure did. I'd love to see it. Him and my dad probably had the more fun than anybody there. He had such a good time. My mother my mother was irritated because she's like, I looked through all the pictures and I only see myself in a few. Where was I? Why wasn't I not in more pictures? Tell her me and her was probably in the corner somewhere. Right. I said you got to be out. Now my dad was in almost all of them. Because he was on the dance floor. You gotta be on the scene to be seen, sis.

SPEAKER_00: 3:32

Now, mommy Ross conducted the choir of all choirs. I hope you can put some video of that somewhere out into the ethos.

SPEAKER_01: 3:42

I've received videos from several people of that. Um, I'm gonna also ask Corey if the photographer videographer from CLW Creators, which did amazing work, I need to um post his video clip on my IG. I might actually do that tonight or tomorrow. Probably do it tomorrow. So I can write a really good um caption thanking him and all the other vendors, but I'm sure he probably captured it. Um there's bits of it in the little video um sizzle reel that he did.

SPEAKER_00: 4:09

And mommy Ross was clear. If you can't sing, just slips.

SPEAKER_01: 4:14

She said, hush. Oh, and she does that for real at family events. So that was not even for show. Um Yeah, somebody at work was like, Oh my god, I loved your choir director. I was like, You mean my mother? She was like, Oh my god, that was your mom. I missed that part. I was like, Yes, that's my mother.

SPEAKER_00: 4:33

She's like, Oh the cute part though for me was you in the back being the junior conductor.

SPEAKER_01: 4:39

Yeah, because I know everybody in the corner couldn't see her. So, you know, that's very sweet. Because I knew if people didn't follow the instructions, she would get mad what she did. Another crazy part was when I was on stage giving my toast to myself or to the crowd and to the party and um having my little moment thanking everybody. My dad was busy talking because people had to tell him to hush. And at first, people was like, shh, they didn't know he was my dad. And then Tanika went over and was like, Dad, you gotta you gotta hush. She's up there talking. Matter of fact, she just shouted you out, you ain't here because she was too busy talking. Yo, the funniest, I I won't name names, but somebody in my life who I love, uh a young man who is one of my various self-care practitioners, told me yesterday that he met my dad with his partner. And once my dad figured out that they were actually a couple, he said that my dad was like, Oh, I support you. Like he wanted them to know that like, you know, like, you know, I'm down, I'm good, and y'all good. Yes. And I was like, I'm sorry. He's like, no, I loved it. He said it was like such like he meant it from the heart.

SPEAKER_00: 5:50

I was like, and did, and did.

SPEAKER_01: 5:54

That, yeah, that was hilarious. My time was had, my little sister had a ball with me. Oh, he's he said I was the shizzy. Yes. That's what he thought. It was really sweet. My brother and and and his partner, Patrice, looked like they were having a good time. All my college friends, uh, some were more active, some were back in the whiskey bar with back there chilling.

SPEAKER_00: 6:19

It was beautiful.

SPEAKER_01: 6:20

Uh, it was beautiful.

SPEAKER_00: 6:21

Yep. We've talked about it in the pod before, but just a lot of gratitude to have friends for so long. Um I didn't realize so many people didn't have friends. Um, and we have an amazing group of friends.

SPEAKER_01: 6:38

I am rich. Yeah. Now it's not like T.S. Madison. I'm rich. Pardon me? I'm rich. I'm rich not because of dollars. I am rich because honestly, my relationships. Um, and I and actually I always, and when I don't say like key to my success, but like literally my key to like how I'm able to do anything that I'm able to do, because I'm always running around being all things to all people, is because of the people I have in my in my in my organism. And and I was it was present there. Everybody who came to the party who knows me but doesn't like they're not like friends, friends, we're like, oh my God, like you could feel the love in the room, you know? Yeah. It's like your your people was holding you down. Absolutely. So yeah, I I I I I spent my retirement, a part of my retirement to do it. Michael, she did not mean that. It was well, I I did though. He if he knew how much, Michael would probably stop spending me for like a good 90 days. Um, but it was worth it. It really was because it was one of those things that like if it was over tomorrow, I like I know, you know, I I it was a moment in time. And for me, I had people who I know. Someone said it to me there. He was like, Kendra, you had no idea. Like, I didn't know I needed to be here, but now that I'm here, like I needed to be here. He's like, this young man, he was like, he moved to Pittsburgh actually for jobs there, and he said, I haven't experienced this kind of blackness in Pittsburgh since I've been here. And he's he's been in Pittsburgh for probably five, six years. He was like, he's like, but you have everybody in here, not just black people. He's like, but I haven't experienced it in this way. And he's like, you have no idea how much I needed this. And then I had another family friend who said to me, Kendra, like, oh man, you don't know what that did for me. And Tanika told me before the party, she's like, Kendra, you keep beating yourself up about the money, but you're not just doing this for you. You're doing this for the people you love. You want them to have an experience. And I and she was right. And then that was what made me excited. So after everybody kept telling me, oh man, that was one of the best parties I've ever been to.

SPEAKER_00: 8:37

I've told everybody. I was like, I'm gonna I'm gonna sneak you a video, but I'm gonna check for, you know, see if I can put it, put it to the people. But yes, I want everyone to see what it looks like to just be free, even if it's for a couple hours.

SPEAKER_01: 8:53

That's what it is. It's a it's a it's a it's it was a kind of marooning for me. It was like, listen, for these five hours in this space right now, we gonna be who we wanna be with who we wanna be it with. Um now Pittsburgh was cold as hell, but we was cute. It was we was cute. I was it was we was hot in there because we were sweating and dancing, and um, it's funny because I I had such an amazing time, but I didn't get to experience the party in the way other people did. Because you know what I mean? So like I ain't have no food. All I had was the sliders at the end, which is what I was grateful. I had a portobello slider and some fries. Didn't get any pasta, no salad. I didn't get any. I there were supposed to be pasta d'oeuvres. Did you see a passer d'oeuvre? There were passer d'ours. Okay, good. Okay, I'm gonna make sure because I paid for d'oeuvres. Um yeah, I I didn't get I didn't even get to drink my signature drink. I forgot that I put uh Hugo Spritz on my um Was that the purple?

SPEAKER_00: 9:50

No, that's the French whatever. That one, that that, that is what uh Prince activated.

SPEAKER_01: 9:58

That was great. So shout out to Greg. Greg was was part of the curation of the of the alcoholic beverages because he came to my tasting. Kudos, right? And he started talking about drinks. I said, no, you would think this is your party. He said, Well, it sort of is. I turned 50 this year, too. I said, You're right. Go ahead. You can just love it. So um he was the curator of the him and Alexis. Shout out to Alexis Allen, um, my um illustrious celebrity uh event planner. Yes. Um yeah, they they curated most of the drinks. I curated the one drink I curated, I forgot to order. Then I was mad at the end, like, man, I didn't even get my spritz. Well, thanks for having wine. Thank you. People kept bringing me water like I was drunk. I literally had one drink the whole time.

SPEAKER_00: 10:41

They just didn't want you to be dehydrated from all the sweating and things.

SPEAKER_01: 10:45

I yes. I literally had if you I had a couple of sips of a champagne when I walked in, then I had two have two quarters of two different versions of Aperol Spritz because I kept putting them down and forgetting it. Hilarious. But like I said, and I didn't get none of the engraved glasses. But again, I got the experience to have all the people came from all walks of life. I know, right? That's crazy. My my chiropractor was like, because he was there. I love my chiropractor, his wife, and my trainer. Um, because my chiropractor owns my gym. He was like, You got an eclectic mix of of friends. Uh he's like, I love my chiropractor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was great. Anyway, yeah, I I feel blessed. I we've I've posted some things on the socials. I will post uh like my version of it because I was reposting other people's stuff, like vendors, and then we will somehow incorporate some clips and stuff or pictures in our post for the for this episode.

SPEAKER_00: 11:45

Awesome. So with that what else has been happening in the group chat?

SPEAKER_01: 12:31

Um preparing for our trip to the continent.

SPEAKER_00: 12:34

Yes, we are going to Ghana in February, which is coming very coming up less than 60 days.

SPEAKER_01: 12:44

We're going to Ghana to celebrate our other dear friend's 50th birthday.

SPEAKER_00: 12:50

True. Wow. Um, so we've been talking about Ghana and vaccinations and all the things. What else have we been talking about? We've been talking about mental health and how the holidays can be very uh activating for a lot of people. So sending a lot of love, especially those who live in cold climates, who are missing the sunshine right now.

SPEAKER_01: 13:18

Yep. Yeah, this this also like this will be my second crimp Christmas without a grandparent. Um last year, I really loved the way my family we came together, and like grandma's absence was like palpable, but we also had a joyful time. Um, but it also felt weird because in that instant, my Aunt Janet, my mom, and Greg's mom, and my other aunt, Wendy, other people who are in their 60s and 70s became the elders to us because they were they were always like the next slayer. But now that grandma's gone, like Aunt Janet is the matriarch of the family, and it's very strange. But it's uh it's it's a blessing, you know. That's why it was a blessing to like to have a praise, a praise break moment with her at my birthday parties because she is now our matriarch.

SPEAKER_00: 14:06

So that's interesting. You say that I put a post that my sister-in-law um texts me a picture yesterday, I guess it was, of us with her and her husband, me and my husband with her and her husband. And she didn't really say anything. She just sent it and I heard at it, but I was like, oh wow, like she really people, the family gives her a hard time because she always got the phone out taking some pictures. And I was like, oh, but she is the historian, and she really is now the matriarch. We only have one elder cousin-ish, right, who's living. And so I was like, her their parents are gone. And so I was like, oh, and she also keeps us connected. Like, she makes sure we go out for date night and she makes sure people come to the house for Thanksgiving or after Christmas. And I'm just like, oh, she's too young to be a matriarch, but she is like fully the right person to be to be in that role. And so I just before I forgot, because I'm trying to stop when I think of someone, I just did a little post for her on Facebook to say, you know what, sister-in-law, I got memories everywhere because you make sure that we always capture the moment and that we have the time together. So kudos to the matriarchs, young and old, who help shepherd our families to where we need to be.

SPEAKER_01: 15:34

Yep, for real. I'll share. I saw that. Um, and yeah, I I I think I've taken on the role of family historian. I'm the one that, like, before everybody, I said, yo, before everybody leave, let's get this play. Every Thanksgiving Christmas. Um, I am I'm always the person who said we got to get a picture because of that reason. Because it's like everybody's like, oh, another picture. But I'm like, we take for granted that everybody in that picture is gonna be here again.

SPEAKER_00: 15:55

Yeah. Interesting, you say that. My my brother was teasing me because I have a screensaver. I had a screensaver of me as a young child because some of the work I'm doing in therapy, I'm just trying to get to know myself again from that age. And so my new picture is a picture, I'll have to send it to you, but it's me and my grandma. Which my father's mother. And she was my caretaker. She she was the person I stayed with. Um, my mom is um, she's a professional, she's a worker. And so she went back to work within like six weeks after I was born. And my grandmother was my caretaker. But some of the things I've been working on in therapy are about the fact that that's what when I learned how to be a caretaker because my grandmother was a diabetic. And so she and I are doing a little work together, my and my grandma. So um, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 16:59

That's interesting.

SPEAKER_00: 17:00

It is. It's a it's a weird time of year. Like I think a lot of missing people and wondering and reflecting, all those things are happening.

SPEAKER_01: 17:12

Absolutely. Um, that lots of reflection. You know, as well as I'm reflecting for lots of things because where we are politically, uh my new you know, milestone age, um, you know, where my parent the age ages my parents are, you know, um, because you know, I'm the eldest daughter, you know, and so I'm you know, I'm always thinking about like what is what does all this mean for everybody else? Um my where I'm at in my career, where I'm at in my my relationship. Um, you know, where I'm at with as like my auntie, like my nieces and nephews who I watched be born. One of them's about to graduate from high school, which is wild. So yeah, I I I I feel that. I feel that deeply. And I feel that for other people, and just it's hard for me to see other people going through things for many reasons because I'm a I'm an empath. But I also recognize that like just as when good is in good is in the neighborhood, that means it's coming your way. When when not so good's in the neighborhood, it means it's possible that it's coming your way too.

SPEAKER_00: 18:18

Yeah. It's interesting you say that because um as a recovering church girl, I have been learning about my horoscope, which, you know, was not something that we did when I was growing up. Um and to your comment, I was sharing with someone how some of the hard stuff that was happening in my family this week made me run to the pattern at because I was like, oh, something is happening in my sign. And I remembered, because I have my notes about my sign in my phone, that I have a grand cross. And so people with a grand cross in their sign have periods of really high highs and then like extreme opposite of really low lows. And I was like, oh, that is what is happening. It explains this entire year. It has been rough. And I was like, oh yeah, that makes perfect sense. But what I love about the knowledge of this of my son is the high, I know the high is coming back. And my highs be dope. So yeah, I'm going through hell right now, but when it when it flips, can't tell me nothing. And I just have to remember to like preserve a little bit of that to carry me when it gets bad again.

SPEAKER_01: 19:45

So yeah. Yeah, having that knowledge is awesome because I I remember um, you know, I used to have much lower lows than I have now. Um think thank thankfully. But I remember like um, especially when I would have deep pain when I was dealing with fibroids and other stuff, I would say the mantra, all suffering is temporary, all suffering is temporary, all suffering is temporary, all suffering. And so um I I haven't had to use that as much. Um I feel like I pain and struggle, suffering is the way I navigate it. It is just different. But I think that's interesting. I don't know if I what my sign and all that stuff means with that, but I definitely can relate to that period of life where that was the truth for me. I also can relate to periods of life when things were going well, like like peak moments that the way hormones. and adrenaline and all that stuff worked that like as soon as I would get to a peak, I would naturally get dark. Even when I was like for instance, I would have a great show. And then on the way home from the show I'd be crying and start going into a depression and I couldn't tell why. So that just I don't know what what made me think of that, but that just made me think of just like the fragility of our uh of our psyche and how we have to have those tools. We have to have tools and we have to have remembering of things like, okay, wait a minute. I've been here before this is how I can navigate this. I got the tools. And I think in a time like this and the holidays this is where we really need all the tools. Where we need all the tools.

SPEAKER_00: 21:20

We need all the tools one thing I jokingly said in my group chat is I told my therapist how lovely that you take care of yourself and want to spend the time with people you love and that you'll be off for the next two weeks. I just want you to know you will likely come back to some chaos in my life because my family and the holidays do not do well together. So yeah I'm happy for her. I hope she gets a lot of rest because she earned every every dime when she gets better.

SPEAKER_01: 21:50

Yeah. Yeah I'm sure I'll I have one more session with my um therapist on Monday and then knowing her I'll probably won't talk to her again until after the meeting.

SPEAKER_00: 22:02

It's interesting we're talking about this right now because I was listening to a podcast episode. I'm gonna shout shout them out because I thought it was a really great episode this is Black Girls Hill um and the episode is you don't have to be the family savior and I said so you just gonna you're just gonna do me like that so I've been getting dragged all week I've been getting dragged all week about not saving the people from their lives um and as they say in recovery spaces giving people the dignity of their own experience.

SPEAKER_01: 22:41

Yeah that's that's that's real I wanted with one of my other best friends I won't call the one out but there's a short list so you're gonna know one of them. I had that conversation with her today because she told me yesterday that her body is shutting down. She's tired but then she also told me well I have to do this because I told such and such I was gonna wait and then I'm like you're doing a lot of telling such and such you're gonna and the reason why I can say this to her is because she does the same stuff to me and then we're reflecting. I'm just I'm like girl you can you keep carrying too much. We keep carry too much and and and the as we wind down in this winter break I need you to take a winter break.

SPEAKER_00: 23:18

Because we're not going into a new year with all this 2026 is about to be a doozy we gotta we gotta we gotta prepare we gotta prepare I've been doing some of my end of year reflection um and my as I shared in an earlier episode my word of the year was fortify and I felt pretty good about how that showed up in my life but I'm trying to figure out what what my reflection is telling me about what my word will be for next year.

SPEAKER_01: 23:51

That was a great reminder because I always I always like doing that you know my reflection time and pulling off that um hold on I'm trying to find I'm trying to find the workbook it's the what's the lady that you whose thing you know the annual clarity retreat with Dr. Carrie Rockmore I can put the link in the chat I have the workbook somewhere oh I see it the annual clarity retreat workbook that that that it is yes so I use that just to kind of like distill down everything but my you you you reminded me this is my for those who are just listening I'm pointing behind me in my office to my vision board which I do every year I've been doing every year for the past probably 10 15 years 15 years. And my theme for this year was creativity is my superpower faith is my foundation and on it I had myself and I never I didn't even think about this when I was planning my party I had a thing that says the 50s let's celebrate like a party and then there's a woman in like sort of a vintagey reddish dress. And like the kind of the theme of my party is represented here but I didn't even refer to this when I was planning the party at all. That's how a manifestation worked you know about there's a there's about me doing music again I started to to tweak the recording and me singing again and I I was gonna sing at my party which I did not because I just felt like I didn't want to feel pressured. But the next week that Saturday I did a holiday show that my uh friend was producing um and I sang live in front of an audience in a snowstorm but for the first time in many years. So I I was able to I was able to manifest that so all I'm saying is that vision boarding is a practice that works and it's amazing how I'm like oh I haven't looked at my vision board in a while and I look back like oh snap like but I'm using this I'm referencing this every day even if I don't think I so um so yeah I I I um I'm excited um for the time I'm gonna spend during the break working on my reflections and stuff and thinking about what I want my new year remember they'd have a vision board party yeah we can have it online because I do mine on Canva now I used to do it you know with with magazines and it was I had a hard time like letting go of it first and then once I started using Canva I fell in love with using doing Canada and I felt like I could be more creative.

SPEAKER_00: 26:22

And as you see well you can just print it out send it to Kinkos or your your local uh print shop and they can I just get it shipped in my house.

SPEAKER_01: 26:32

Awesome.

SPEAKER_00: 26:32

And I still and I have another you know I have the other ones I take pictures of them every year so I can reference them but um yeah having an online vision board board party would be we may do that let us know when you listen to the episode if we invite you would you come to a vision board party yeah that'd be great. I used to do vision board parties you know for with a couple of friends at my house um especially when I first moved to Pittsburgh and I first bought my house that was one thing I used to do with Danelle and Tanika and the kids and Melita you know um so yeah Melissa I'm so sorry that I didn't recognize that I was talking to you at the party y'all I I knew she looked like Melita's mom but it just didn't cross my mind that that's who I was talking to. I said her message on LinkedIn I was like I'm I'm making up for not knowing who I was talking to clearly we need to spend a little more time together.

SPEAKER_01: 27:27

Speaking of Melita's mom, Miss Josie we celebrated her 80th this week she turned 80 today wait no her birthday's eighth she turned 80 on the 8th and then we had they had a party for her this past Sunday with another snowstorm but people came out was it Sunday or Sunday? It was Sunday it was Sunday um it was beautiful her Melita and her brother threw her their mama 80th birthday party so we celebrated another Sag we had a good time the food was bomb diggy I forgot the name of the caterer but a black woman caterer um a time was a time was had um so it's been a very celebratory time Mr. Will's birthday shout out to Mr.

SPEAKER_00: 28:05

Will his birthday was two days after mine on the 6th we got a lot of sagges in the in in my and what do y'all act like I think I know but I'm making I'm I have Sagges um well I make a distinction between November Sagges and December Sagges.

SPEAKER_01: 28:21

There's some crossover tanika Tanika is a November Sag. There are lots of ways where we do crossover where we I we are the most justifying Negroes like we will justify anything. Like you're making my whole life make sense keep going yeah yeah yeah yeah like I'm not like Danelle and Tanika always bring up the example of like I'll be like yeah just I'm letting y'all know I'm not shopping no more so if you tell me if I if you see me trying to buy something like I'm not supposed to be shopping. I've I did this to them one time like eight years ago or whatever and they never let me move it down. And then like maybe 30 days later I was like yeah I got to go get this thing. Oh wait no you said you wasn't shopping no more I said I oh yeah I know that but I have the no you said you wasn't shopping no more. Well and then I will justify and stand on business and not even like feel bad or not nothing because I'm like I have found a justification for my behavior and there's nothing you're gonna say to make me feel like I didn't do what I was supposed to do. Ooh you are giving me some insight today thank you. So parenting a parenting a Sag like me is difficult and and sneak so there's lots of intersections but then I think me as a December uh woman uh Sag is lots there's lots around big adventurists and travelers and all that stuff and I have some of that um some sagges are supposed to be like super like sensual and stuff I don't have that part um you know um very uh I want very um blunt I guess or transparent they gonna say that they're general j Sag is generally the ones that'll say the thing in the room that needs to be said but nobody else wants to say it. How about that? Um but you know we're a fire sign and I think I I think I am very saggy I think I'm kind of textbook saggy.

SPEAKER_00: 30:13

Interesting wow yeah I was on a call with a client who's a Leo and she explained something to me and I said you just helped me understand my grandgirl I thank you for the light that's all I needed so as much as church people be feeling some kind of way about the signs the people followed the stars did they not did they not weren't they charting in things like there there is a biblical piece to this it's not just all man influenced if you will but so it's interesting.

SPEAKER_01: 30:59

Yeah there's a there's a there's a drop of like things most things don't just fall out of the thin air there's a drop of something there why which is why people what what happens is people take it run with it and make a grift out of anything. You know even real things right so but yeah I just don't like when people like wholly reject things like well that's not a that's not a thing. Well it is a thing or like even like when racist try to come for Kwanzaa and say Kwanza is a made-up holiday and Christmas is not it is such a made-up holiday yeah like we the but no we are not denying the birth of Christ but what we're not gonna do is pretend like Christmas was something as it as we were celebrating it's something that was written in the text as a a foregone conclusion.

SPEAKER_00: 31:42

Oh speaking of so Joanne Reed ended up in a firestorm because she shared that young person's um analysis historical analysis of jingle bells and then she decided to take it one step further and I forget the the name of the ancient festival that Christmas is rooted off of but uh we'll put it in the show notes because I was like Joy is having way too much fun at how this uh young person has made the church people lose their ever loving minds.

SPEAKER_01: 32:20

Because Jingle Bells is not a song about the reindeer we every year we find out you know more and more about how everything is like literally everything is racist say it again in the in the era in the era of we ain't allowed to say race or races or black or brown or a woman or independence or justice or equity or belonging or blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah crazy times hey oh oh this is also the day for those who listen to this on the historical record in the future today is again December 19 2025 and this is the day that after 24 hours after a bogus vote they renamed the Kennedy Center the Donald J. Trump and the John F. Kennedy Memorial Center for the for the arts first of all there's too many the's that's where you already went wrong it says this literally on the wall it says the Donald J. Trump and the John F. Kennedy like what are we doing here? What are we doing here? And then you've seen our our good sis from this the great state of Ohio who is on the board what's her name oh the black woman who said they muted her yeah got muted during the vote which they claim was unanimous yeah what a time to be alive where lies are like known lies are paraded as the truth it's one thing for people to not know and then later find out it's a lie but you y'all just don't even know the truth you you are a liar and the truth is not in you is basically what I'm trying to say lies lies using liars alibi remember that song about Evo It can happen a time child I I I I I thank God every day that I never really did leave the life that I thought I wanted to live for part of my life which was to be like a signed RB phenomenon because it just feels like back to your high you know highs are very high and lows very lows I feel like there's a moment in time where there's people who came up in the lives that we thought we wanted had like what seemed to be these ultimate highs but the lows be low end yeah the lows be low end and the stars just be falling yeah it's it's it's very um did I already talk about the time when my uncle was trying to work on getting getting me to be uh in in vogue I do not think no so at one point some at one point what's the man's name something pain he's Ronnie DeVaux's uncle or something but Ronnie DeVoe's uncle used to man like used to be like the he used to like choreograph and stuff for new edition and do all stuff and at one point I think he started working with In Vogue this is when I I guess when they had already started to like break off and not be the four women anymore. And it was like two stayed on and two went away and they were looking for new people and that is around the time when I was in the Oprah magazine which was which came out September 2001. September around September 11th yeah um it was just it was just um I was I was 25 yeah and my uncle showed it to them um and and they were like oh yeah you know and she sings it and my uncle was like talking you know you know mention it and I was like oh yeah I would audition but then it just never came together.

SPEAKER_00: 36:05

I was like can you imagine if I would have ended up Invogue my life would be completely listen and the way they did that girl my lord um I know someone who knows her and so she was very very distraught. But yeah you know people just gonna people every time.

SPEAKER_01: 36:24

Speaking of Invogue in Oakland California have to I think I mentioned this a few months back um but I have to really shout out Raphael Sadiq for his one man show that he did he just he's been on tour doing a one man show where I thought it was just gonna be him an acoustic guitar just like being doing an acoustic show. No, this man is like listen I'm about to be 60 I'm in my introspective bag and he did an actual one man show where he talked about growing up in Oakland he talked about his family there was so much about his life that I I learned that day I knew that um Dwayne Wiggins his brother who passed away was his half brother but I didn't really know the dynamics of his family and who who was raised and who and how he it was it was incredible and it was beautiful it was touching um and you know just to know that his brother passed and we've since lost you know D'Angelo but also just a reminder of like how much at that moment in time Oakland was like an epicenter of so much you know important music in that time period. But shout out to Rafael Sid I mean you know he we knew he was that that dude and he was a genius but like like legit.

SPEAKER_00: 37:34

Awesome yeah yeah you mentioned D'Angelo and I just want to say when people invite you to their funerals for their loved ones let's stop with the pictures and the taking the pictures and the posting the pictures when people ask you to to not do that.

unknown: 37:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 37:52

It's just so disrespectful.

SPEAKER_01: 37:54

Yeah it's um it's just part and parcel of like this idea of needing to be as they say in Hamilton in the room where it happens. Even people who are always in the room where it happens get gassed sometimes by being in the room where it happens and you know I won't pretend like there are moments in time and there are still moments in time in my life where I want to be in the room where it happens. But not to that extent where like I want to like you know lessen the sacredness of that. Like we need to still have spaces of sacredness spaces of like okay I was there you know I I know this seems like a non sequitur but it just reminds me of when we went to Soaksonic and we were all like oh man we can't have our phones but man the experience we had because we couldn't have our phones like you had to be there was the real thing. Like whoever was there at that moment for the show that we went to which was our first concert post pandemic we were still technically in the pandemic but you know what I mean um like you know there's a there's there's sacredness to that and let's embrace that and I think you know I want to chastise the people but I also just think that like we've created a culture where we where nothing is sacred anymore. So we need to get back to that. And we can make it that right like we can set we can set a new a new trend of presence yeah because just like scrolling is an addiction I think always having to document everything on your phone is an addiction because and I you know I could be the first to make recently I've been doing like like you know what like I'ma take my I'm gonna do my little 30 seconds and then I'm gonna put my phone down. Yes but that's when I'm recording and capturing my scrolling game is still too too intense. It's way too intense. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 39:40

Well I'm trying to figure out the balance of being plugged in and being checked out um because I just have a lot of work to do and I just want to I want to grind for myself next year. I have some personal goals that I'm work you know starting to write out and really want to work toward um I said next year is not the year for for me to be modest. I need to be talking about the work that I'm doing and so just trying to figure out what is the the harmony that I want to achieve with all of that um because I do want to protect my my wellbeing but I also still want to be engaged in community.

SPEAKER_01: 40:19

So just thinking about that a little bit that's that's yeah I I um I fully I fully fully fully support that I do think you know I I said something to somebody recently we were talking about my my favorite film of all time all about Eve and in in one of the scenes One of the protagonists, Addison DeWitt, says, um, it's just as forced not to toot your horn as it is to toot it too loudly. And these are the things I've been telling specifically women and the women of all color, not just black women. It's like like they like I had to tell a person who works for me, they're like, it's okay to like post about something great you did on LinkedIn. Oh, I don't want to be on there bragging. But you actually did do it. You're not bragging, like you actually did do the thing. Um, somebody wanted to like quote them in um in an in a post about something. And well, I don't know, should my name be in the quote, it'll seem like I'm bragging about what we did. And I'm like, y'all, it's not bra, it's not bragging to tell the truth. And like, and part of storytelling is telling our story too. Like, we can't tell everybody else's story and then leave our leave ourselves out of the equation because what I want to happen is somebody say, oh man, how did you do that? I'm glad you asked. Yeah, we I'm not with that. And um, I'm not like now, I don't, I don't uh, I don't necessarily speak of my work in whatever arena as much as other people would like me to. But that's one set of people. There are other people who think, like, Dad, Kendra, you be everywhere. You on LinkedIn, you on this, you on that. Like, yes, my platform is how I'm able to do the work that I do. You know what I mean? And so I if I if I don't have a platform, if I don't provide the information on the platform, whether that be speaking engagements or posts. Absolutely. Um, and as long as your heart is pure and you check your yourself, but hey, yeah, talk your your shiz. Like, mm-mm. Absolutely. We don't have to be braggadocious. And actually, in fact, I find a lot of the people who try to be a lot of the people I have worked with over the years, I have been on earth long enough to experience people who try to act, they try to act overly humble, but on the low, they're doing all the conniving things to take the credit and to to take people's positions. The false modesty. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, you got the credit.

SPEAKER_00: 42:56

No, that's real. I mean, I was talking to a colleague, and she's like, I just want my work to speak for itself. Your work can't speak, it's not human. Like, yeah, you you have to be able to, and you can tell stories in a way that uplifts the work if and up and the collaboration and all the things. But if you created it, it's okay to say, yes, this group that I created has been doing some dope work, and I'm so proud to be in community with X, Y, or Z. There's a way to do it that honors your values and your and your positionality, but then you can't be complaining somebody else is getting all the shine, and you think they ain't shit. Like, we have to be able to be present in those spaces.

SPEAKER_01: 43:38

Listen, for 17 years, I tried to let my work speak for me at another organization. And it it did not bode well for me. It didn't, I won't say that. I had a good career there. But you know, I was like, oh, I'm, you know, I'm I'm a hustler, I'm gonna do the work. And people recognize that, but I wasn't rewarded for it. I was just like, okay, you gotta, you get to keep your job. You're the worker. Yeah. Right. But what I what I find now is I'm in my leadership bag. Like, I'm in my like, oh man, like actually, my storytelling is gonna be through the people that I work with. So, like most recently I posted on LinkedIn, LinkedIn. So, like, we do a blog post about the work that we do. Uh, last year I wrote it. This year I was like, they were like, Well, who should author it? I'll be like, Well, the person who helped me write it was our research assistant. Can we just make her the author? Like, it don't have to be me. Everybody knows I'm the head of social impact. So, so then I was able to post this young woman who has been working with me, who just graduated from college, authored it. Here's my team, my team. And for me, when my team, and I don't mean this, I'm not even trying to be fake modest about it. When my team is is on fire, I feel good because I'm like, you know what I mean? Like, it's that brings me so much joy. And that's when I realized, because when I when I was asked to do some like interim leadership work at my my company, I'm like, man, do I want to be in the grind of the day-to-day of doing the IC work, or do I want to be a role manager and a leader? I'm like, I'm a good leader. Yes, you are. And I can get people to like think about it. There's me doing a bunch of things and having one impact. There's me leading 10 people and getting them to where the point where they can have impact. And then it's like, as a team, we're kids. Yes. You know what I mean? I don't need it, ain't about me, but and and it's a win-win because we all get to shine.

SPEAKER_00: 45:24

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01: 45:25

But there's so many people who have not experienced that. They have not experienced leaders who want to see them shine. That's true. Like, and I also am at the point where I'm confident in myself that like, like, everyone on my team can do really dope things, but ain't nobody me. Not meaning like I'm better than it's just like I have a unique positionality, a unique way that I'm entering into this situation, and they have their own unique thing, and their thing is not my thing, you know. Yay. So yeah, I'm I'm all about as as you develop your theme for 2026, I'm all about like owning your power. I'm all about like, you know, like like you are you you are that, you know, like you are who you know how they always say online, like she she is who she thinks she is. You are, you know, I was like, oh well, you know, I am who God thinks. Yes, but you are who you you think you are too. So who do you think you are?

SPEAKER_00: 46:16

And don't be saying bad things about yourself. I always tell my family, don't talk about my husband or my daughter. Like, I wouldn't let nobody else talk about you, so I'm not gonna let you talk about yourself. And we we have to be that for ourselves. Some of the ways that we have learned to be self-critical when we feel like we fall short or we, you know, we we aspire to something greater and it's just feeling hard or difficult to get there. Mm-mm, baby, you got up this morning and you put in the time, we're gonna celebrate because it's it's one, sometimes one inch at a time to move towards the things that we say we want.

SPEAKER_01: 46:55

Amen. Let me tell you something. What the first dope thing about being 50 is that like you can even have a moment of like self-critique, but it doesn't have to be like, it doesn't have to be drawn out, it doesn't have to be like a a punching session. It could just be like, oh girl, what was you thinking there and move on? Like, for instance, I look at pictures from the party, I was like, oh man, my I didn't, you know, when I started dancing, my my corset was coming to loose as my belly was big and my thing was showing, and I was like, oh, that just meant I was having a good time. Let that have been 10 years ago. I'd have been like, oh my God, this is devastating. This is showing. Or like, you know, I wish I would have sung. But then I but then I was like, I know how I get when I don't perform better and I want to have a good birthday. But then on Saturday, I performed at the holiday show, and I felt more liberated singing at that show than I had felt in probably since I was a kid, you know? And like, even though I like I had one part I was like, okay, I messed up on that. But then I was like, oh, but I recovered nicely. You know, like my mentality at this point of like, of like things not being perfect or, you know, um, and being able to be self-critical in a more affirming way, like, oh, you know, and move on from it. Oh man, like I think that's the best part about being 50. And I remember when I turned 40, people were like, wait till you turn 50. It's different. Uh it's different. And so like I think that's one of the things, like, as at this point, where I already I was starting to feel it in my late 40s, but like already feel like, man, like, you know, okay. Like, for instance, I always say I want to get this bull toxed. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. But if I if I want to, it's my prerogative. But it's not like, oh, I'm gonna die. I'm ugly if I do it. Let's go together. Yeah, because this, it just drives me crazy. I hate looking at a picture and I see that. But it doesn't mean I hate it. I hate myself.

SPEAKER_00: 48:49

My um, I told you my neighbor one night texted me and was like, You want to come over for a Botox party? I was like, I need a little more notice.

SPEAKER_01: 49:00

I can't just That's how you know she lives over the people with the money because we don't have a Botox party with me.

SPEAKER_00: 49:05

It's a Botox. I need to think about it.

SPEAKER_01: 49:07

I live very much in a Tupperware Tupperware neighborhood. She lives in a neighborhood to have Botox party.

SPEAKER_00: 49:11

I was like, oh my.

SPEAKER_01: 49:13

But yes. That's funny. You should go. You should you should have gone and just said, you know what? I would like to just watch and see how it goes. And maybe next time I'll participate.

SPEAKER_00: 49:22

No.

SPEAKER_01: 49:24

Take a bottle of uh wine over, a little chardonnay. Think about and observe.

SPEAKER_00: 49:30

Yeah, interesting, interesting. Um, anything else good in the group chat?

SPEAKER_01: 49:38

It amazingly, we haven't had her heard as much about Sacred and um we have not. We have not heard about Sacred recently. No, that's not true. So not in our group chat. So Danelle, Tanika, and I have a friend, old uh she's our she's like our big sister sis. She's in her 60s, artist, creative, and she's retired now. Um we used to be in a reading group with her. And she watched, she listens to the podcast, so she's gonna curse me out when she hears this. But she hates B. So she can't stand her. She's like, I don't know. Why y'all like her? I can't stand her. Oh wow. She's gonna send me and Danelle a picture today talking about. I I wish I would have known this was her product before I start using it, but this is the best scalp conditioner I've ever had, and it was some sacred. I said, you just hating for no reason. She's like, no, this product is amazing, but like I wish I would have known it with her, I wouldn't have bought it. And missed out on on your scalp's blessing. Imagine, imagine. Hilarious. Hating a black woman that much, and you a black woman. She's like, I just don't get it. I don't, I can't stand it. She don't like that hero worship. I was like, that's what it is. But I'm like, be mad at the hate the game, not the player. Right? But when she when she sent that sacred picture, I was crying. I won't lie. The sacred products are amazing. Even though I'm still team pattern beauty, but I really do like the sacred, um, especially the um clarifying champion. But I like that.

SPEAKER_00: 51:07

I bought a mini set, I'm gonna have to give it a try. Give it a try.

SPEAKER_01: 51:12

Um so one thing I want to just talk about is like things you might want other people to hold you accountable for. I know some things we can speak of and some things we cannot. I was supposed to work on an um academic article idea that was that's due December 31st for a journal coming out in 2027. Um and Sarah, my dear friend, who was also on my dissertation committee, gave me some resources to read, and I have not read any of them. I think it's December 19th. I don't know that I will be in a position to present to um submit for that journal. When is it due? It's due to December 31st, but I can't remember if it's just an abstract or for its actual manuscript. I have to look. But um, even if I don't submit for that, I still need to like read during this break. Not I'm not only to write a whole paper, but I need to like do some of the work towards that. So basically, what I was gonna do is take um some of my dissertation research and kind of write an article from it, but from like autoethnography standpoints since my since I was like squarely in all the work I was doing anyway as a black feminist researcher. Um, and so I'd like to revisit that.

SPEAKER_00: 52:20

I love it.

SPEAKER_01: 52:22

Do it. I'm down to co-work anytime. Yes, and I'm just saying that out loud because so Kelly can hold me accountable, but also some random people on the listen to the pod can send me IG um messages messages and be like, hey, whatever happened with that article, you just write it. Yeah, don't withhold hold your gifts from the world. The other thing I'm gonna do is reach back out to my uncle and say, Hey, I think he may be in California right now. I need you to go to the studio and mix those four songs. I need to put them out. Awesome.

SPEAKER_00: 52:51

Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 52:52

Kendra has some good stuff for us. I also want to like, I also very much so want to get back into the studio with a band and do a jazz EP. Yes, holy ghost. I I have been I've been framing it out and been talking about it for years, but I was like, let me finish what I have. But um, yeah, after singing on Saturday, I was like, oh yeah, no, I need to do this.

SPEAKER_00: 53:14

Oh, that'd be so beautiful. Kind of beautiful.

SPEAKER_01: 53:18

And it don't have to be no long drawn out thing. It could be four songs. Okay. I'm gonna start with that four song. EP is long enough for four or four, four or five the most.

SPEAKER_00: 53:26

I love it. I look forward to it. Are you writing?

SPEAKER_01: 53:31

Um, I speaking of writing, where's my little auto go? Craig bought me one of them auto go things. What's the auto go? Auto go is a little box like this big. Um, it's basically a recording studio. It's this big and it it syncs with your with your iPhone, but the quality of the mic is really good. And then in the iPhone, there's an app that comes with it, and it's like you can do like a little, I think it's like two or four track, you know, mix with like guitar or music, whatever. So I can record it pretty vocal. So it's a good thing to use when you're writing and stuff. Nice because you can get it there. So he bought it for me last Christmas, I believe. And I haven't really I I've tested it out and I've carry it with me when I go places, but I haven't been using it. So but I need to find it because it's in here. It must be in my first surface. Okay. I don't want to lose that.

SPEAKER_00: 54:21

Well, stay tuned. Um, I have some big writing goals for next year. So I'm building out a lot of co-working time and have a schedule I'm working on for and just trying to be realistic with my work schedule, like really maximizing Friday, Saturday, and Sunday to get a lot of it done. Um, so that's happening. Um, I really want to amplify my business next year. Um, so really thinking about what that looks like. And I I made a commitment. I spent a lot of time in building other people's business business this year, and next year I'm not doing that. I need to amplify this podcast, I need to amplify my work uh uh, you know, on a whole. And so that feels really important. Um I haven't been walking, and so I'm ready to get back on my treadmill.

SPEAKER_01: 55:20

Same as I look at my walking pad right in front of me that I haven't been on in months.

SPEAKER_00: 55:24

Yeah, so those are like some top ones, but I just try I'm trying not to make too many. Um, I'm gonna stick with therapy. As long as she keep me keep taking my insurance, we're gonna keep rocking. Um, so yeah. I'm looking forward to 2026. Um obviously, geopolitically, I'm not, but I'm really trying to put that in its own compartment and let that be what it is and let my life be what it's supposed to be.

SPEAKER_01: 55:58

Yeah, I I want to stay off of it. I'm glad all we talked about today was the the the Kennedy Center debacle because I'm I'm it feels good not to talk about it. Um, yeah, I would love to like you know, as we wrap up, think about what it would be like to do an episode that's kind of like the vision board party. Like a special vision board special.

SPEAKER_00: 56:21

I like it.

SPEAKER_01: 56:22

That'd be cool.

SPEAKER_00: 56:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_01: 56:26

Well, I mean, what are the takeaways? I mean, it's just it's just been a uh a very fluid conversation per usual.

SPEAKER_00: 56:33

My takeaway is shine your light.

SPEAKER_01: 56:37

Oh, that makes reminds me of my party when it's like shine your light, huh? Shine your light. Um uh ow. Um, yeah, I love that. Shine your light. Yep. Okay, then my takeaway uh is my takeaway is I guess what I said earlier is that you are who you think you are, so who do you think you are?

SPEAKER_00: 57:08

Yeah, I love it. Awesome. Well, we're nearing the end of the season, y'all. So we will keep you posted on our finale date.

SPEAKER_01: 57:23

Yes, but I also just want to say shout out to Independent Podcasts. This is a self-funded podcast funded by us, for us, by us, produced by our dear friend and producer, Dr. Leatra Tate, who is also a podcaster and a podcast producer and a professor and a scholar and all the things. Um, and although we are grateful for um, you know, the crew that we have, also shout out to Joe, our creative producer who does our socials and stuff. But um, you know, it would be great if you could go on to our website and consider become a becoming a subscriber and a member so that we can get some additional support in doing this work. Um, or go to our website and buy some merch because we have some cool This Woman's Work merch. So in this season, you know, just asking that if you believe in the This Woman is work movement, that you consider supporting it in whatever way you can. Um, because we would like to come back again next year and continue to do this.

SPEAKER_00: 58:30

But you'll have to have some coin to make that happen, y'all.

SPEAKER_01: 58:33

Yeah, yeah, because we we we we we have invested in ourselves, but now it's time for the seed that we planted to grow and and and bear some good juicy fruit. Yes. And that's the truth group. Um, but yeah, we look forward to talking to you again soon. Until then. Take care, y'all.